#1498 Doúlos tou Christoú

 

Paul, a slave of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, for the faith of God’s elect and the full knowledge of the truth which is according to godliness, 2 in the hope of eternal life, which the God who cannot lie promised from all eternity, 3 but at the proper time manifested His word in preaching, with which I was entrusted according to the commandment of God our Savior,

4 To Titus, my genuine child according to our common faith: Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior.

Qualifications of Elders

5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, who are not accused of dissipation, or rebellious. 7 For the overseer must be beyond reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of dishonest gain, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to reprove those who contradict.

10 For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, 11 who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of dishonest gain. 12 One of themselves, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” 13 This testimony is true. For this reason reprove them severely so that they may be sound in the faith, 14 not paying attention to Jewish myths and commandments of men who turn away from the truth. 15 To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled. 16 They profess to know God, but by their works they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient and unfit for any good work. Titus 1 LSB

He does not say, "Paul, a Jew trained by the very best Jewish teacher. Paul, raised in a Greek world understanding fully Greek culture. Paul, a fiercely loyal believer in Judaism. Paul, a zealous Pharisee who knew the Law. Paul, a persecutor. Paul, the one who saw the beauty of Jesus Christ and yielded himself to Him." He doesn't say, "Paul with a brilliant mind." He doesn't say, "Paul, the man that God used to write so many books." He doesn't say, "Paul whose achievements are legendary, whose virtue is exemplary. Paul whose credentials are endless. Paul, the one who performed miracles." No. He doesn't base his authority on any of those personal matters.

When he looks at the very essence of his ministry, he sees himself in ministry not because of anything in himself or accomplished by himself, but because of sovereign choice. He is a bond-servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ. He is one who refers to himself in those two ways to demonstrate his commitment to God's mastery over his life. He did not see himself as a loose cannon - as somebody who could act independently, as somebody who could control his own life, could call the shots, could live any way he wanted to live, could determine the direction of his ministry. He saw himself and was fully committed to the fact that he was a man under divine call, authority, and obligation.

That becomes clear in the two titles which he uses here. First, “a bond-servant of God,” “a bond-servant of God.” By the way, that's the only time he gives himself that title, the only time in Scripture. He often refers to himself as “a bond-servant of Christ,” but this is the only time he refers to himself as “a bond-servant of God.” James does refer to himself as “a bond-servant of God.” Even more interestingly, Moses is called “a bond-servant of God” in Revelation 15:3. So Paul here is putting himself on a level with Moses as one uniquely called to serve Yahweh, the living God. He puts himself then on the level of other Old Testament leaders and New Testament leaders as the servant of the true God. - J Mac from Commitments of a Powerful Leader Part 1

V. 1 Paul, a slave of God and apostle of Jesus Christ - It makes sense to put your name at the beginning, but considering the weight of the matter, his credentials as well. I believe men to be called into God's service even in these times, but not to the role of an Apostle like Paul, and I steer clear of churches and association with men and women who try to carry this title today. I am a cessationist and have met reformers who say they aren't, so I ask them, do you believe there are apostles today, like Paul, men who receive and pen new revelation from God? They answer, "no". I ask them about tongues. They say they don't like to put God in a box with that, that he is free to use it to witness to someone in some remote tribe somewhere where they do not understand the language of the speaker. Okay, I don't believe in a God that I can carve or put into a box either, so I ask them if they believe that the tongues that are prevalent in the charismatic movement, that I used to belong to, are the same as what was being exercised in the church of Paul's day? They answer, "no, that was a legitimate language, like Pentecost, where people understood the speaker in their language, whenever it is not understood that is judgement." So, I say, you are a closet Cessationist then who does not like the term.

I believe Paul and the other apostles were the foundational pillars of the church, some who wrote books that are a part of our cannon today, but also those who preached the word and instructed according to the word. I believe the call today is to preachers, teachers, deacons, elders, secretaries, music ministers, Sunday School teachers, etc., according to and in complete submission to God's word. In other words, I don't think we are to be called today by the sheer force of someone's ability to speak, to play guitar, sing, I don't believe in the signs and wonders ministries, the people who say, "God told me". If you are called it has to be as a slave of Christ, the One Who purchased you from your slavery to sin. It has to be in conformity to what the Apostles wrote about these positions. As an elder your qualification is not because you have said you have been called, or because you have the feels about something, if we look at the passage above, the ability, the gift or talent of the individual, was preceded by his character. It is a call to integrity, a frightening thing.

When I was young I was well taught by my mother, she probably had every John Macarthur commentary ever written, and many cassette tapes as well, so I had no issue when asked to teach a group of high school and college students when I was 17. Sadly, no one tested me, no one evaluated my life or cared to sit with me and go over the lessons before I taught, and I was actually rebellious towards my mom. Since we were doing Corinthians I had to make sure to point out everywhere that I thought John Macarthur was being a legalist, because I didn't want to cut my hair, I was inclined towards sport or recreational dating, getting into fights and not long after this I would actually flirt heavily with being an atheist. Even when I found it too difficult to swallow atheism, that everything could look so designed without a designer, like books write themselves just given enough time, that matter comes into being for no reason, even then I just went looking for the feels in religion, an experience. We went from concert to concert, youth group meeting here, pizza party, taco outreaches, working each other into a frenzy like at a mosh pit but not as fun I found out. It started with my Sunday school teachers at First Baptist NSB, and they started taking me to a church in Titusville, then meeting with "prophets and prophetesses", people who tried to tell me who I was going to marry, what my gifts were, my calling, all sorts of foolishness. I left home to hang out with these kids when I was almost 18.

The next time I taught was at a place called Jump Ministries, run by a guy named Duron. I met him at an ecumenical retreat called Via de Christo, where surprisingly, my psychology professor was one of the speakers, even though I knew him to be a marital counselor who was cheating on his own wife, with students etc., but apparently he saw himself as qualified to teach. Anyhow, I was at a Jump revival meeting and a man was there teaching, and he had the title of "prophet", and I met some who also carried the title "apostles", and this man started teaching something I hadn't heard before. He said that God showed him one day that he was married to the wrong woman, and then quite remarkably God also showed him the woman he was supposed to be married to. This is to a room of about 200 people, including high school kids, even some younger, and my friend who was going through a rough time in his own marriage. He even went so far as to show how a big part of the reason was because the sex wasn't there or as good anymore.

As apostate as I was I still felt the need to confront him, so I did, and he couldn't back anything up with Scripture, but kept referring to his calling, and that he couldn't help what God was showing him to do. I confronted Duron, who was supposed to be the shepherd there, but all he could say was, did you hear what he prophesied about me, that I am going to be on tv and he told me that I shouldn't speak against the cloth. This was his dream, so none of the other stuff mattered. He had asked me to consider teaching before, but I said no, yet for some dumb reason I thought I was now ready, so I taught the next week on 1 Corinthians 13 and also about God's view of what that "prophet" had said. I then went home to my girlfriend who I was living and sleeping with outside of marriage. Duron got to go on cable tv, I think he may still be. I write about this because Danny asked if I had taught before, and I told him I did but it was wrong.

1 If a prophet or dreamer of dreams arises among you and proclaims a sign or wonder to you, 2and if the sign or wonder he has spoken to you comes about, but he says, “Let us follow other gods (which you have not known) and let us worship them,” 3you must not listen to the words of that prophet or dreamer. For the LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love Him with all your heart and with all your soul.… Deuteronomy 13: 1-3

More on this from Jeremiah

Things started to spiral from there, and by the next time someone asked me to teach I was at a church solely because of a girl again, I was a drunkard and a drug addict. I told that poor old Baptist preacher in the mountains of NC, I can't, and I told him why, that I had read Titus, and I am not qualified. He started crying and said, you realize how many of my deacons and elders here that wouldn't bother in the least? So I left, and I kept contemplating the solace of atheism again and again, that nothing would matter, no right, no wrong, even though everyone lives as though there is. If it were true, I thought, my life would just come to an end, and if there is no sort of afterlife, no being, then there was nothing to regret, all that would cease when life ended, and I could choose to end it early as well and there would be no regretting that either.

I became more reckless, mad at God if He did exist, mad because I was an epileptic, mad because churches were full of hypocrites, but I couldn't see that I was the worst. My ideals were becoming more and more based upon getting caught or not getting caught, rather than right or wrong. I still couldn't shake the idea of God though, and during this time in the mountains I overdosed three times. I saw myself in the mirror one night, and I finally realized why the people at work called me Skeletor. I was 160 pounds and I could count my bones and my eyes were dead. I went to a doctor and he asked me if I was from the rehab center, and I said, "no", but with attitude, so he left and then came back in and apologized for assuming that. He left again, and when he came back in I asked him if patient confidentiality was a real thing because I was desperate. He said, yes, and gave me a prescription for Tegratol because it is known to help seizures but also people who are going through withdrawals when they stop shooting up. Other than that I went cold turkey and my mom found out that I was cleaning up as far as drugs go so she sold her house on Live Oak Street and moved up to Mt. City GA where I lived and brought me into her house with some stipulations. 

Twenty six years old and I had to go back and live with my mommy. It sounds like the prodigal son, but it wasn't, he was humble, I was not. I kept drinking and I told her she could pray for me, but I didn't want to hear anything about John Macarthur. We got into an argument because even though I was paying rent she would not let girls spend the night in my room. She was a good mom, and she definitely deserves better sons. During that time I was able to avoid most of my old drug buddies and went back to fishing and learned how to hunt. I would wander the mountains and rivers religiously, and while I was there I stayed out of most trouble, but eventually got into it with some people at my work, and decided it was time to go back to Florida. My mom's rules didn't match my life style. 

…10Like an archer who wounds at random is he who hires a fool or passerby. 11As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. 12Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.… Proverbs 26: 10-12

In Florida I lived with my brother and his wife. We worked on the road a lot and I lived by the adage, "what happens on the road stays on the road", and I continued to live an immoral life. On the weekends I would come over to the coast to fish when I wasn't too hungover, and then started hanging out with some of my old friends in NSB. My godmother, Gerry, lived in Edgewater and she still would send me books. I didn't tell her till years later that I burned the "Gospel According to Jesus" that she sent me. I was drinking heavily though and started coughing up blood. Gerry sent me to her doctor friend who told me that I needed to quit drinking for 3 months and then she would recheck me to see if the bleeding ulcers were better. I laughed, but her face didn't change, and I asked, "what will I do for those three months?" I didn't quit right away, but not long after God worked that out of me as well. I know atheists who have quit heroine and meth, gone sober regarding alcohol, because it's logically a bad investment, but I can only see the hand of God now.

While hanging out with my friends I ran into Meagan and I knew of her from a long time ago when she dated one of my buddies. Something happened between me and my friends that made it more and more difficult to hang out with them, and so God was pulling me out of that as well. This time period was very fast, all these things were in a very short period of time. I went to Merk's bar one night and Meagan was there with a friend. She followed me and Gerry outside and we started talking. She was wanting to move out from where she lived and I was too, so we continued talking and I had a huge crush on her so we ended up becoming romantically involved.

About this same time, Gerry, asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I told her I wanted to finish getting my arm sleeved, but she offered another suggestion. She asked if I would go with her and her mom to this thing called Ligoniers. Her description of it didn't sound that great, some old guys talking about the Bible, and so I asked who would be there, and she went down the list, never heard of him, never heard of him, John Macarthur. As soon as she said his name, I said, "No, I'm good. I don't want to spend a weekend hearing a bunch of arrogant old men tell me how bad I am." Somehow I ended up at Ligoniers and willingly. I remember sitting, listening to one of the lectures, with every intent of getting up to go smoke a cigarette and it was driving me crazy, but R.C. was amazing, I was afraid to go smoke because I thought I would miss something, and so I just hung in there and then ran out during the break. On the way in I stopped in the bathroom, put my Bible to the side and went to the urinal. Another man had come in with me and went to the urinal beside me. He said, "I would hate to get into a theological argument with a man whose Bible looks like yours." I'm not a pee talker but I answered him, and said, "maybe I just don't take care of it," and then walked out. A little later that man gave a lecture, his name was Erwin Lutzer, and he spoke with a very deep reverence for God's word. 

The first time Macarthur spoke there I prayed that he would fall down the stairs or that God would embarrass him by causing him to speak in tongues. At this point in my life I thought that I could speak in tongues, so it was a little irritating to hear him judge my experience. I got a copy of his book Charismatic Chaos so I could read it, red mark and refute all his errors and about three quarters of the way through I realized I was an idiot. I have never loved someone so much in my life for being the consistent person that they are and staying with God's truth. He wasn't the arrogant person at Ligoniers, like he said, he was just a waiter, I was the arrogant one. It was a lot to take in, between him, RC, Lutzer, and Spurgeon, I went from being a "carnal, Arminian, charismatic Christian" to a Calvinist. My theology was turned upside down. Meagan and I married after two weeks of dating and she believed in Christ, going straight from New Age hippy to Reformer.

I want to be as transparent as possible in all this, I still struggled with pride, we moved over to Panasoffkee, only went to church here and there, but were not a part of the body of Christ. I enjoyed debating with Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Seventh Day Adventist, and then took a job at UO. There it was like a play ground and I was super focused on doctrine and was the only Calvinist. My coworkers were Pentecostal, Fundamental Free Will Baptist, Adventists, Roman Catholics and Atheists. So, I entered the cage and I loved it...but I wasn't glorifying God. I was debating for the sake of ego, not for the love of truth and to help these other people. Everyone was looking for a mic drop, no one was trying to reprove with intent of restoring. It wasn't till much later in my Bible studies that I came to pray, let my honor be that Christ is glorified. 

…3If I give all I possess to the poor and exult in the surrender of my body, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs.…

…6Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be restrained; where there is knowledge, it will be dismissed.… 1 Corinthians 13: 3-8

…19For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.” 20Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know Him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.…

…22Jews demand signs and Greeks search for wisdom, 23but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.… 1 Corinthians 1: 19-24

During these years I did not teach my wife and kids. I still cussed and joked with the guys at work, and I thought it was enough to be sound in one's doctrine. I saw myself whole when I was really immature. If the guys were showing dirty pics on their phone or talking about things that God would call unclean, I laughed and went along. I had a good work ethic, I knew Scripture, but if my doctrine was so sound as I thought, then how was it so incomplete? Why wasn't I changing and becoming mature. At this point I had one of the worst bosses I had ever had up to that point and then started having huge challenges at work. God took care of that problem but then I went through medical issues with my sinuses and had to sleep in a chair for a month, getting very little rest. Meagan went through a bout of bad depression and we ended up leaving our home and moving to Clermont.

I took a job as a Supervisor and became solely focused on fixing every problem in the area I agreed to go to, an area they told me had a lot of problems. I didn't see my kids much and I felt pretty alone there and at work. I went through another problem with a tumor in my jaw and then Meagan gave us a scare with a twisted ovary. It's weird, because I was mad at her prior to that and just wished she would leave me so I could be alone and go live in the woods. I was spiraling but then heard something by Voddie Baucham, and I realized I hadn't been studying anymore, I was a whiner, a baby, and in no way a good husband or father. I was completely blowing off my duty. I assented to that mentally, but still thought my life was unfair because it was unfulfilling. I bought a canoe and had no where to put it, so it stayed in our living room, but that got me out on the water.

We were now in Altamonte, and I started fishing 4 or 5 times a week. If I were to write a book someone once told me that it should simply be called, "I would rather be fishing." I thought about what Voddie said and I remembered Sproul. My kids were coming home with all sorts of silly teaching from school, so I thought I would check a box and take them to R.C. Sproul's church so they could hear a Calvinists who was passionate about the word of God. I got there and he was on oxygen and the guy who spoke was Burk Parson. Oh well, I thought, we're here so might as well give a listen, and the guy went on and on about how he loved to fish but how it was so wrong to call that church. I referred to the lake as my church, to the creek, to the intercoastal. It was my religion. 

I was bored at work so I took a project and we moved closer to work for the project and I bought a kayak. My health started taking a downward turn, and again, say what you want, but I refuse to see it as anything other than the hand of God. I was tired but I fought with contractors, other departments, everyone, just trying to do what they asked, look out for my employer's interests, and I lost. I was pulling over 100 hours a week, having trouble with my balance, and things kept going down hill. I was tired of hearing my opinion didn't matter, my ego couldn't handle much more. I like logic and reason, getting what we agreed on, not politics and playing the game. I had started reading scripture again, but I refused the conviction that came with it.

In 2018 I had a seizure at work. I thought no big deal, usually these are like a reset for me but something was wrong. For the last year I was having trouble just standing up. If someone stopped me in the hall and said hello, it felt like they were attacking me, I didn't want to be around people. If I had to stand there for more than a second then I had to put my hand on the wall for balance. My brother called and thought a fishing trip to Miami would help, and I went, it was fun just to get away and he drove because of my problems. I was reading again and doing some writing, but my shoulder kept giving me problems, and then the next month I had another seizure. This time the paramedic was a little too gung ho and kept forcing me down as I was trying to get on my side because I couldn't breathe. That shoulder was totally jacked afterwards but they couldn't find anything major on xray. I was so depressed and at this point I couldn't take my kayak out anymore, it wasn't safe, so I put it up for sale. My work told me not to come back till I was sure I wasn't going to have another seizure. I thought about it, about going on disability, but I called them back and said, you can't make me not come to work, and no doctor can say for sure that I am not going to have another seizure, but I will do the mature thing, go to a neurologist, take meds and keep you updated. 

I found a woman who was one of the last doctors who actually spent time with her patients. We talked for hours, about everything, where she was from in India, about my symptoms, politics, she was great, a true trouble shooter. One visit I told her something that changed everything, that I had auras, or precursors before the seizure, but that I got the aura everyday, kind of a kaleidoscope of colors. "It feels like I'm going to have a seizure everyday." That's when she diagnosed me with migraines besides the epilepsy. She was retiring so she started me on a med for epilepsy that has proven effective, I have been seizure free since 2018, before I usually didn't make it more than a year or two. She gave me meds for the migraines and associated anxiety, but the first type didn't seem to work. 

My old boss stopped by one day and saw me out of it, weak, and in pain, and said, I feel like we did this to you, and I was under a lot of conviction at the time, had started family Bible reading and I knew that wasn't it, I told, him, "no, it's my pride." He was a godly man, and before he had left to another job, before God had brought me to this he asked if there was one last thing he could do for me, and I said, "yeah, put me in an octagon cage in the parking lot and let me have them two at a time." He shook his head, and asked me, "is that what our Lord would have you say? You need to forgive your enemies." I always wondered how he could be so kind and courteous to some people, how he could go to meetings with men who were all show, game players, who talked much about integrity but owned none of it for themselves. He was right, I should expect that of the world, but where was my integrity as a Christian and a leader? I didn't practice what my Lord preached, I was a hearer and not a doer.

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5: 43-48

Bible time at the house went over like a hostile take over. My wife loathed me, Lily was compliant by nature, maybe because of some curiosity too, but Drew and Meagan were the bane of my existence. I told God it was too hard, but then I remembered that He wasn't the one who had waited this long, who didn't care enough about his children to teach them the gospel, explain the condition of the world and why we were in such a state. I started praying for them, and I kept insisting on reading the Bible. I started to address some of the things they had learned in the world and Meagan had started homeschooling them because of some of the craziness at the schools. It was difficult but then I saw my wife break. You could see the realization of her own sin, and this is someone who didn't grow up in church, someone who had been diagnosed bipolar, who only liked "fun jobs", and couldn't "work with stupid people". The thing that amazed me the most was that she started getting self control, started caring more and more about the needs of others, taking the girls to volunteer. She still had bouts with temper, but there was a huge swing when she started hating the sin like God did rather than finding excuses for it. If it dishonored God then my wife was sensitive to it. 

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.… Matthew 5: 3-5

I still felt physically terrible, and one day got a call from N.C., from someone asking if I knew a Franklin Yerke. I said, yes, that's my biological father and we had met twice, once in my twenties and once when Lily was a baby. These were people from the church they went to and they were kind of at their wits end. My stepmom, Ruth, had Parkinson's and Franklin was unable to take care of her. They asked if I would fly up there to assess their situation. Of course, I thought, God, are you trying to kill me, I can still barely stand up without bobbling, and if  I close my eyes I feel like I am going to fall over. I flew up, and at some point on the flight my migraines went away, maybe the altitude, and then I went and met with them. Right away I realized my dad should not be driving and he had already forgot and left Ruth at the grocery store twice before I got there. They went to a church that was more about compliments and social gatherings, and the people there were kind of desperate to get them off their hands so a lot of information was left out. My wife is really sweet though so I told her what I knew so far and she said, "lets take them in with us and I will take care of Ruth." 

So we looked for a bigger house to rent and I went to Orlando Epilepsy Center so they could do a week long study on me where I was hooked up to diagnostics 24/7. They tried to force me into a seizure there by taking away my meds and stress testing me with these horrible lights. I was surprised I didn't seize. They were very helpful though and were able to prove out that my brain patterns changed when off the medication and under the stress. Once they put me back on my meds my brain activity went back to normal quickly. I was given a migraine med that worked better, but still had a few migraines a week, I had given up on my shoulder, but it was relieving to have some proof that the epilepsy meds worked. It was suggested that I try medical marijuana, and so I debated that for some time because of work, but they had instructed me not to drive company vehicles anymore anyway, and since I was nineteen years old my neurologists had been recommending marijuana to me off the record. I stopped using it a year before Lily was born in order to get a job, and then I was a father so it just didn't seem worth the risk, and as a Christian I reasoned it was against one of man's laws that would hurt my testimony. After a lot of prayer and consideration I decided to get a card. Within a week I had more sleep then I had in months, and my two year bout with the shoulder, that no one could find anything wrong with, went away. I dropped down to sometimes not having a migraine for weeks, no more kaleidoscope. 

We joined Grace Community Church in St. Cloud, went up to Raleigh to get my dad and Ruth's stuff packed, and move them down, but while we were on the way up she went to the hospital. She also had congestive heart failure, and her heart was operating below 30%. She was incontinent as well, which would have been nice to know before the 11 to 12 hour drive. The doctors said she was in no way up to that too. My patience was wearing thin, but we took their stuff down to the house, their house was already sold, and they set them up for a plane ride down after she was stable. We thought that maybe it will be nice for the girls to be around Christian grandparents. Ruth liked to sing hymns and my dad had gone to Moody Bible Institute and Columbia Bible College where he met my mom. Yea, that's not how it went down. They had been invited to a real church where they lived, but did not want to join for "fear of being discovered". Parkinson's and getting closer to death had loosened my stepmom's tongue, much to my dad's dismay, they couldn't hide. We thought it may be related to her illness and maybe dementia, but they had been fighting with each other, cheating, and all sorts of other sexual sins since their 40's.

They did not like our church because it was expository and reformed like the church their friends had invited them to in N.C., and my dad did not appreciate sermons meant to convict, so they wanted to find one of their franchise, Crossroad's Churches, which was founded by a man who wanted to make everyone feel comfortable. The man who was originally pastor at the one they went to was apparently a "dynamic speaker", and "the foundation of the church's popularity". He was caught in sexual sin, but they didn't want to do anything about it because they thought it would hurt attendance because so many people liked him. So much for Christ building the church. He was unrepentant and sadly they didn't realize also doctrinally unsound even before that, but most evangelical churches only pay a nod to Scripture as God's word now. The elders finally decided to do something about it, but this man told them and everyone else that there was no one there spiritually mature enough to deal with him or rebuke him, he was above all that.

I think of young Samuel having to rebuke Eli and his sons, who disgraced the office of priest, and later having to rebuke King Saul. My dad and Ruth were more concerned about the number of empty seats that might result and where they would find such a fun, dynamic speaker again. Ruth started having concerns about her salvation after going to our church and doing Bible time at the house, so Franklin asked to be taken to a different church. He was her assurance of salvation, but he was being confronted all the time by sermons and Bible study where he wasn't able to put spin on it for her, so I started having to share the actual gospel with her several times a week. It was sad, he didn't care, and he resented her for being sick because she could no longer baby him. My wife had to carry and bathe her as her condition got worse, she fell and broke her hip which added a whole new degree of difficulty, but Meagan was a servant to someone who was truly rude to her. My kids said they would have never wanted to become Christians if my dad and Ruth were the only ones they knew. 

Ruth went into hospice the day before we went into lockdowns with Covid and we were moving into our current home, which we bought from my godmother Gerry, at the exact same time. It seemed like a long drive to work, but we prayed about it and I wanted to be close by if Gerry got to the point that she needed help as she got older. Ruth ended up dying in hospice in Winter Park after going into Coma and then passed away. After covid restrictions were over I took my dad to NC to bury her and then we came back here. We had started going to Edgewater Baptist but that church was on it's last breath, and eventually, sadly, fell apart. So, I had talked to my old pastor at Grace and he said he had had to go to a Reformed Presbyterian church for a while when he lived in a city without a Reformed Baptist Church. I loved the people there and I went in knowing that we would disagree on certain things, but not in the most essential. My godmother had been going to Spruce Creek for the last 20 years and so we joined there, but I was still curious about finding a Reformed Baptist congregation if one could be located in driving distance.

My dad was still living with us, but again did not like the church we were at, and he always used Ruth as his voice to get people to do things for him. With her being gone, he started being even more rude to my wife. I caught him twice trying to watch something on cable that was gross with my daughters right down the hall. I corrected him and made him change the channel, and asked why it didn't bother him knowing my kids could walk out at any time. He told me it didn't bother him and that he was more of a Corinthian Christian and that David did the same thing but he was a man after God's own heart. I started going over the gospel with him, but he said he already knew he was saved because he went to Moody, said a prayer, felt something at church when he was very young. My wife tried taking him to play chess, which he loves, and he got to play more than when he was in N.C., but he started asking me to find him a Filipino woman, to which I said no. He has always lived off of women, not like wives are supposed to be, but more like a strange mother relationship. He blew up at Meagan one day and I told him he could not talk to her that way or he would have to leave. He told me that my wife and kids were not safe with him there so I moved him into an assisted living place in Port Orange. 

Well, I know that's a lot, but I haven't had much time to talk to you, Danny, because of schedules and such, and I wanted to make my life open to you.  I would like to help you out, but I want you to evaluate my family, my doctrine and we need to get to know you guys as well so I included Dennis because I can see he is sensitive to the things of God and is taking his family in that direction as well. I will continue to go through Titus and Timothy and send these posts to you so you can evaluate my understanding of service in the church.

Your brother, Calvin