#819 Concerning Depression

O Lord, God of my salvation,

I cry out day and night before you.

2 Let my prayer come before you;

incline your ear to my cry!

3 For my soul is full of troubles,

and my life draws near to Sheol.

4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;

I am a man who has no strength,

5 like one set loose among the dead,

like the slain that lie in the grave,

like those whom you remember no more,

for they are cut off from your hand.

6 You have put me in the depths of the pit,

in the regions dark and deep.

7 Your wrath lies heavy upon me,

and you overwhelm me with all your waves. Selah

8 You have caused my companions to shun me;

you have made me a horror to them.

I am shut in so that I cannot escape;

9 my eye grows dim through sorrow.

Every day I call upon you, O Lord;

I spread out my hands to you.

10 Do you work wonders for the dead?

Do the departed rise up to praise you? Selah

11 Is your steadfast love declared in the grave,

or your faithfulness in Abaddon?

12 Are your wonders known in the darkness,

or your righteousness in the land of forgetfulness?

13 But I, O Lord, cry to you;

in the morning my prayer comes before you.

14 O Lord, why do you cast my soul away?

Why do you hide your face from me?

15 Afflicted and close to death from my youth up,

I suffer your terrors; I am helpless.

16 Your wrath has swept over me;

your dreadful assaults destroy me.

17 They surround me like a flood all day long;

they close in on me together.

18 You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me;

my companions have become darkness. Psalm 88 ESV

A Psalm "concerning afflictive sickness" by Heman for the sons of Korah.

O Lord God of my salvation - This song seems to start with the hope that is in every believer, but then describes such great distress. Whatever the circumstances may be, no matter how much beyond my strength or ability, God is still the Author of my salvation. 

- It is one of the characteristics of true faith that she turns to Jehovah, the saving God, when all other confidences have proved liars unto her. I have cried day and night before thee. His distress had not blown out the sparks of his prayer, but thickened them into a greater ardency, till they burned perpetually like a furnace at full blast. His prayer was personal--whoever had not prayed, he had done so; it was intensely earnest, so that it was correctly described as a cry, such as children utter to move the pity of their parents; and it was unceasing, neither the business of the day nor the weariness of the night had silenced it: surely such entreaties could not be in vain. - C. H. Spurgeon

Let my prayer come before You - Some days we think so much of the oration of our thoughts, how will they sound before men when we pray in groups? I have been so vain in this at times that I have not sincerely prayed with those who lifted up their voices before mine. It may sound wonderful and instructive to us, but this is more humble, "let my prayer come before you." Even the shortest of my prayers can be overrun with foolish notions, the prettiest can be but pride or false humility which again is still only pride. God, I must admit that I struggle to come before You today, uncertain as a new born fawn, trying to stand up for the first time. I cannot yet run or leap, but please hear me from where I am. "Lord, teach us how to pray."

For my soul is full of troubles -  It is hard for some to imagine such anguish, and like Job's friends, many will offer worldly wisdom, even wrap it in religious fervor. "This is what you need to do, to say, curse God and die, follow these steps, smile,' they say, 'for laughter is the best medicine." For those that know such depths of depression, every cliche is only a shovel full more. Sometimes the illness of the mind starts with the failing of the body, and tiredness, loneliness and distress move in as a cloud over the soul.

I am counted among those who go down to the pit - I am written off. They wait for me, no, but worse than that, they wish for me to die. It will be gainful for them to see me no more, to not look death in the face any longer, to not be reminded of grief or sorrow. I am dead to them already. My funeral is being planned and they are dividing the spoil. 

Like one set loose among the dead - I am outside the gate, though I still breathe and recognize all the clamor within, they see me, yet pretend not to. I am as the leper to the healthy, the poor to the rich, the fatherless and widowed, they put me with the dead and out of sight. 

- He felt as if he were as utterly forgotten as those whose carcasses are left to rot on the battle field. As when a soldier, mortally wounded, bleeds unheeded amid the heaps of slain, and remains to his last expiring groan unpitied and unsuccoured, so did Heman sigh out his soul in loneliest sorrow, feeling as if even God himself had quite forgotten him. How low the spirits of good and brave men will sometimes sink. Under the influence of certain disorders everything will wear a sombre aspect, and the heart will dive into the profoundest deeps of misery. It is all very well for those who are in robust health and full of spirits to blame those whose lives are sicklied over with the pale cast of melancholy, but the evil is as real as a gaping wound, and all the more hard to bear because it lies so much in the region of the soul that to the inexperienced it appears to be a mere matter of fancy and diseased imagination. Reader, never ridicule the nervous and hypochondriacal, their pain is real; though much of the evil lies in the imagination, it is not imaginary. - C. H. Spurgeon

In the regions dark and deep - Where is the light down here? What is before me I am not certain of, what lies down here with me, I dread to think. You have cut me off from knowing, from strength, from confidence. My heart is heavy, and my eyes are useless to me. I cannot see the way out of this. 

Your wrath lies heavy upon me - 

…3 He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief. Like one from whom men hide their faces, He was despised, and we esteemed Him not. 4 Surely He took on our infirmities and carried our sorrows; yet we considered Him stricken by God, struck down and afflicted. 5 But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.… Isaiah 53: 3-5

22“You do not know what you are asking,” Jesus replied. “Are you able to drink the cup I am going to drink?” “We are able,” the brothers answered. 23“You will indeed drink My cup,” Jesus said. “But to sit at My right or left is not Mine to grant. These seats belong to those for whom My Father has prepared them.”… Matthew 20: 22-23

You have made me a horror to them - I am no longer a help, no longer useful, or fun to be around. They look at me and see a liability, for I can no longer carry even my own weight. Some for superstition stay clear of me like a bad omen. Others hate the sight of me because it reminds them of their own mortality. I am an inconvenience, a lost cause, an endless pit. "He saved others, but himself he cannot save." If this is the end of wisdom, who would want my advice?

Everyday I call upon You - Ah, there is a small light, hope is still hiding somewhere deep and protected within. Pray without ceasing.

Why do You cast my soul away - 

- LORD, why castest thou oft my soul? Hast thou not aforetime chosen me, wilt thou now reject me? Shall thine elect ones become thy reprobates? Dost thou, like changeable men, give a writing of divorcement to those whom thy love has espoused? Can thy beloveds become thy cast offs? Why hidest thou thy face from me? Wilt thou not so much as look upon me? Canst thou not afford me a solitary smile? Why this severity to one who has in brighter days basked in the light of thy favour? We may put these questions to the Lord, nay, we ought to do so. It is not undue familiarity, but holy boldness. It may help us to remove the evil which provokes the Lord to jealousy, if we seriously beg him to shew us wherefore he contends with us. He cannot act towards us in other than a right and gracious manner, therefore for every stroke of his rod there is a sufficient reason in the judgment of his loving heart; let us try to learn that reason and profit by it. - C. H. Spurgeon

…38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me. 39 And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I shall lose none of those He has given Me, but raise them up at the last day. 40 For it is My Father’s will that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.”… John 6: 38-40

Perseverance of the Saints

My companions have become darkness - They are there before me, but every word from their mouth grinds like sand paper on my brain. I am dizzy and they think me drunk. I am tired and they think me lazy. All I have left is You, O God, Lord take not Your Spirit from me.