#91 Anxiety Genesis 32

So Jacob went on his way, and the angels of God met him. When Jacob saw them, he said, "this is God's camp." And he called the name of that place Mahanaim. Then Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. And he commanded them, saying, "speak thus to my lord Esau, 'thus your servant Jacob says: "I have dwelt with Laban and stayed there until now. I have oxen, donkeys, flocks, and male and female servants; and I have sent to tell my lord, that I may find favor in your sight." '" Then the messengers returned to Jacob, saying, "we came to your brother Esau, and he also is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him." So Jacob was greatly afraid and distressed; and he divided the people that were with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two companies. And he said, "if Esau comes to the one company and attacks it, then the other company which is left will escape." Then Jacob said, "o God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, the Lord who said to me, 'return to your country and to your family, and I will deal well with you' : I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies and of all the truth which You have shown Your servant; for I crossed over this Jordan with my staff, and now I have become two companies. Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; for I fear him, lest he come and attack me and the mother with the children. For you said, 'I will surely treat you well, and make your descendants as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.' " Genesis 32: 1-12 NKJV

As Jacob approaches home, he also approaches an uncertain relationship with his brother. He sends messengers ahead of him, but they return to tell him, that his brother is on his way to greet him with a company of 400 men. Jacob has seen the angelic hosts, but 20 years prior to this his brother had vowed to kill him. In his distress, he divides the people into companies trying to hedge against an attack from his brother. 

Then it comes, the most beautiful prayer I have read thus far. Jacob calls on the God of his father and grandfather. He calls upon the God of his own testimony; the God who told him to return and that he would deal well with him. He comes humbly, realizing that yes, God has said, yet "I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies and of all the truth which You have shown Your servant." He recounts his earlier steps, that he made his journey away from home with nothing but a staff, and that God has increased him to a multitude on his return trip. He fears his brother, but wants to trust God, and is preparing for a heart unchanged in Esau. Jacob is a planner and is running through the scenarios, but whether Esau comes in peace or prepared for war, Jacob is praying for God's deliverance. 

I like to see things well in advance. I rehearse scenarios that may occur at work, and play back the ones I have seen and how I handled them. What could I have done differently? Is there anyway to keep it from happening again? Where do my guys lack training, and did I step out of my position and interfere with them doing their job? We may look at Jacob and think he was rather cold and calculated, but he was trying to survive, and the threats were all too real. I face huge problems at work, but with a team of very talented people that are all trying to find the end of the issue. So I may seem calm there, but they have afforded me that. It is at home, where finances, health or those things for which I do not see a practical or simple solution, take me to the anxiety of Jacob. Prayer is either my last or no resort at all. I strive through scenarios and stress to the point I can no longer think clearly. God help me, I am at another cross roads now, and my wife is of the same mold to stress over a very real financial situation. The other side of this struggle looks wonderful, but the peak of the mountain is covered by clouds of uncertainty. I shall have to pray, and this time I shall start early. It is the only thing we have really fought about in our marriage, but the fighting never led to anything that could not have been found better by prayer and support of one another. Jacob is not so far off in this distant past from me. I am watching those 400 approach right now and am curious to see what God will do.

Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; i will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah Psalms 61: 1-4 NKJV

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path.