#1499 If Any Man Aspires

 

5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, who are not accused of dissipation, or rebellious. 7 For the overseer must be beyond reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of dishonest gain, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to reprove those who contradict. Titus 1: 5-9 LSB

It is a trustworthy saying: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a good work. 2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, sensible, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but considerate, peaceable, free from the love of money; 4 leading his own household well, having his children in submission with all dignity 5 (but if a man does not know how to lead his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), 6 and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

8 Deacons likewise must be dignified, not double-tongued, not indulging in much wine, not fond of dishonest gain, 9 but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. 10 And these men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. 11 Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things. 12 Deacons must be husbands of only one wife, leading their children and their own households well. 13 For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a high standing and great boldness in the faith that is in Christ Jesus. 1 Timothy 3: 1-13 LSB

V. 5 That you would set in order what remains - Paul is definitely exhibiting a lot of confidence in Titus, especially considering the magnitude of his mission. He has given his credentials as an Apostle, and Titus will be working under these, delivering the message of the Apostle Paul. This is on the island of Crete, and it will encompass churches "in every city". They were lacking elders, and we will see in further reading there were also needs for correction. The person given such a task needs to be mature, not easily moved, not driven by their emotions, honest and able to handle a culture that is contrary to this as well. I am reminded of a missionary story where they went into a village that had a culture of deceit, and people who could get one over on someone else were heroes, stealing someone's possessions, their pig, their wife, lying to get someone to trust you only so you could take advantage. This was their culture, and so when they told and performed the Passion of Christ, well guess who this tribe cheered for, Judas, no lie. He tricked Jesus so they thought he was the man. I looked up to rock stars when I was a kid, drug dealers, athletes, because they made a lot of money, had nice things and people seemed to respect them. It is the temptation in every age to make those things of importance in the church. I have seen pastors that ignore widows but will bend over backwards for millionaires. Paul isn't sending Titus to just set up a program, show them how to make an order of service templet, explain how potlucks work, no, he will have to face the culture, it's influence on the church, and defend the purity of the gospel.

…11who must be silenced. For the sake of dishonorable gain, they undermine entire households and teach things they should not. 12As one of their own prophets has said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” 13This testimony is true. Therefore rebuke them sternly, so that they will be sound in the faith… Titus 1: 11-13

Calvin "Titus held some additional charge, which consisted in giving a form to churches that had not yet been properly arranged, and in appointing a fixed kind of government accompanied by discipline. Having laid the foundation, Paul departed; and then it became the duty of Titus to carry the work higher, that the building might have fair proportions." - PA quoting John Calvin

Appoint elders in every city as I directed you- Some people say, "well we do it a little differently in our church, and we don't put so much emphasis on that". You use grape juice, another place uses wine, that's great, but there are some non negotiables that are the same at every church in every city. We can't say this was especially for Crete, only for Crete, because the Apostle Paul parallels this with Timothy as well. This is an unbroken expectation. I give my techs and foremen expectations at work, and these are based on a higher authority than my own, what is written in the company bylaws, and their Values, the first three being Honesty, Trust and Integrity. I have had to evaluate myself against these first on many occasions, find the mote in my eye and then go and do surgery on my teammate. As a Christian you will realize you are a shepherd in many situations, as a dad, a mom, a supervisor, a lead, a coach, and people in government offices are all considered shepherds ie police, governors, mayors, military commanders etc. Don't think you won't have to answer to God because you work at a secular place; His expectations trump all. Titus is carrying God's expectation, given to Paul, for the church, which is the body of Christ universal and in every age. It is transcendent, independent of culture, applicable to the establishing of every church in every city. Some argue against these straight truths, like it only applied back then or in a certain place because of the culture. The church does not bow to the culture, only to God. Notice, "appoint", it's not a mere vote, it will be based on the qualifications following, and they will be accountable to God even if they fool Titus.

…16Therefore I urge you to imitate me. 17That is why I have sent you Timothy, my beloved and faithful child in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which is exactly what I teach everywhere in every church. 18Some of you have become arrogant, as if I were not coming to you.… 1 Corinthians 4: 16-18

Mounce - kathistēmi has a variety of nuances of NT. It can signify leading or escorting; in Acts 17:15+, a group of men escort Paul. But its predominant use is for “appointing” a person to an office or “putting a person in charge” of something. This includes appointing people to the positions of deacons (Acts 6:3), elders (Tit 1:5), and the high priest (Heb 5:1). It is also used in the parable of the talents for the king’s decision to put the owners of ten and five talents to be “put in charge” of many things in the kingdom of heaven (Mt 25:21, 23; cf. also 24:47). (Mounce's Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words) - PA

MacArthur in commenting on this passage (note that not all of his comments on the controversial aspects of this passage are included as we dealing primarily with NT elders) writes that the elders of the church "are the spiritually strong, the spiritually mature, the spiritually victorious. Weak, defeated believers are to go to them and draw on their strength. They are to call (from proskaleō, “to call alongside”) the elders to come and lift them up. It is the same thought that the apostle Paul expressed in Galatians 6:1: “Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.” The wounded, exhausted, broken sheep are to go to their shepherds, who will intercede for them and ask God for renewed spiritual strength on their behalf. This is an important—and largely neglected—ministry of the church’s pastors and elders. The apostles acknowledged its priority when they said, “We will devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word” (Acts 6:4). But in today’s church, weak, struggling believers are often handed over to so-called expert professional counselors—who often have little power in prayer. Those who have been defeated in the spiritual battle do not need to hear opinions of human wisdom; they need to be strengthened by the power of God through their leaders’ prayers." (Macarthur J. James. Moody) - PA quoting J Mac

If any man is beyond reproach - What does that mean? Well, the next few verses will give exactly what Paul means, and it's cannon, so it's what God means, and we will be able to find the Author's intent as to "beyond reproach" as it is defined for us. 

Anegkletos signifies that which cannot be called to account. It means having no blot on one's life for which one could be accused, arraigned, and disqualified. It means there is nothing laid to one’s charge (as the result of public investigation). It is not simply an acquittal but the absence of even a valid accusation.

Spurgeon - There were many converts there who had two or three wives. Whatever position they might be permitted to occupy in the church, they could not become officers; they must keep in the rear rank. - PA

V. 6b The husband of one wife - He is a one woman man. This is not just a matter of whether he is a polygamist or not, but whether he is faithful. This is a question of his moral, sexual integrity. It is not saying that he can't be single, as Paul was also single, but men should only stay in such a state if they have that particular gift. It doesn't make one more spiritual, but it does allow them to have no other distractions, staying fully devoted to the ministry. This is mentioned first I think because it is the most grievous and common of scandals. I have been to the home of a head deacon before because I was friends with his son, and one day as we were packing for a fishing trip, we opened the trunk only to find a pile of porn. That is not a one woman man, that is not spiritually mature, if you are not battling that sort of thing at the level of your thought life, and repenting immediately then you are rebelling against God. God has set a bar for this and you are saying that God only speaks to here Himself, you are not demonstrating by faith that you believe the God you say you believe in. This disqualifies a man from the office, but just because you are not seeking an office doesn't mean that this same principle doesn't apply to you. 

…4The weapons of our warfare are not the weapons of the world. Instead, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 6And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, as soon as your obedience is complete.… 2 Corinthians 10: 4-6

27You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.… Matthew 5: 27-29

17But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with Him in spirit. 18Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man can commit is outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;… 1 Corinthians 6: 17-19

V. 6c Having faithful children who are not accused of dissipation or rebellious - A mans ability to lead at church is reflective of the church he has at home. Are your children being discipled by you, are they seeing a dad and mom who are consistently teaching them the truths of Scripture, and then emulating Christ before them. Do your words and your life match, or is there a Sunday you and a rest of the week you, a work you and a home you. Are your children believers? Now, even if they have professed so much, are they rebellious? I have known many pastors who think they escape this by having no expectations of their children. They say they aren't rebellious because they aren't disobeying the father's rules, which are basically none or way below the standard God has set. In the OT rebellion was a stoning offense, so I would not presume so much upon grace that I would not teach my children the fear of God. He will not change. Does your son talk back to you, does he yell at his mother? Do they act like worldlings? Do your daughters dress modestly or are they more concerned, like Dinah, with what the girls are doing in the nearby town? I remember my wife calling me about Drew, and that she wanted me to say something to her about the shorts she was getting ready to go out in. My wife had already asked her if they were too short. I got home prepared for battle only to find Drew in shorts that touched her knees, and so I was a little confused and thought maybe my wife had become a Mennonite while I was at work. She came out and gave me the no signal and then explained that Drew had gone in and changed without further discussion. Do your kids understand the command of God when it comes to relationships, that He requires that we not be unequally yoked? I have had to explain to mine that dating is not a human right, an activity, a way to disciple unbelievers, no missionary dating. That is the same as putting God beneath your desire for a relationship, and not trusting in His time. I love seeing the growth and fruit in my kid's life, but before that was tilling that made us very unpopular. Are your kids wild and unruly? If so, we are disqualified, maybe not forever, but we need to go and take care of that which should bother us, because it bothers our Lord. 

Although believe (4103) (pistos) can mean trustworthy or faithful (favored by KJV, NKJV, Young's, NET) most of the other Bible translations (NASB, NIV, etc, as well as Greek scholars like A T Robertson, Marvin Vincent, Kenneth Wuest) feel that the context favors the alternative meaning of believing, and thus Paul is describing children who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ. It would seem logical that if the elder is not able to lead his own children to faith in Christ, how can he lead others?

Hiebert quoting Lipscomb adds that "the family is the nursery of the church and these two act and react upon each other so that a bad or weak father can never be an efficient elder." - PA

…18Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and through him all the nations of the earth will be blessed. 19For I have chosen him, so that he will command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, in order that the LORD may bring upon Abraham what He has promised.” 20Then the LORD said, “The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is great. Because their sin is so grievous,… Genesis 18: 18-20

…4An overseer must manage his own household well and keep his children under control, with complete dignity. 5For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how can he care for the church of God? 6He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same condemnation as the devil.… 1 Timothy 3: 4-6

V. 7a As God's steward - It's His sheep you oversee, His gifts you use to do so, and since you carry the name Christian, but now as a deacon or overseer, an elder, you are the examples a mature and ripened Christianity, of those that are worth following, above reproach. Paul was very careful in telling people to follow him; it was only as he followed Christ, and there is in Scripture a great qualifier of his meaning, that you should cease following him in the event that he brings another gospel. Paul has no problem with the idea of being a subordinate, and he outlines it well in 1 Cor. 11:1-3. Jesus even said that He only does what He sees the Father doing. Our culture has made roles and subordination seem a foul thing, but they are lost. 

…9Show hospitality to one another without complaining. 10As good stewards of the manifold grace of God, each of you should use whatever gift he has received to serve one another. 11If anyone speaks, he should speak as one conveying the words of God. If anyone serves, he should serve with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.… 1 Peter 4: 9-11

1You are to imitate me, just as I imitate Christ. 2Now I commend you for remembering me in everything and for maintaining the traditions, just as I passed them on to you. 3But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.… 1 Corinthians 11: 1-3

…7which is not even a gospel. Evidently some people are troubling you and trying to distort the gospel of Christ. 8But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be under a curse! 9As we have said before, so now I say again: If anyone is preaching to you a gospel contrary to the one you received, let him be under a curse!… Galatians 1: 7-9

Not self willed - Men like this are there only to please themselves, and I have seen this often, people who think their way is the only way, are troubled that there are people of different tastes than them. They turn preferences into virtue, and they knit pick the smallest things. They usually come in thinking to make great changes but instead remove the projector because they prefer that everyone use the hymnal. They will dog you about using an ESV or LSB because they use a King James, and while I see the merit of KJV, it is poetic and easier to memorize for me, yet I study more with the other two. It is these who strain at gnats though, and it makes them difficult to talk to, especially when they are only thinking about what they are going to say next. They are not leaders.

9if all this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment. 10Such punishment is specially reserved for those who indulge the corrupt desires of the flesh and despise authority. Bold and self-willed, they are unafraid to slander glorious beings. 11Yet not even angels, though greater in strength and power, dare to bring such slanderous charges against them before the Lord.… 2 Peter 2: 9-11

Steven Cole - The word literally means, “self-pleasing.” It refers to a man who obstinately maintains his own opinion or asserts his own rights and does not care about the rights, feelings, and interests of others (Trench, Synonyms, p. 349). The self-willed man often takes the contrary view because he loves to assert himself and wield power over others. He never admits that he was wrong. He is not a team player. If he acts in such self-willed ways in the church or with other elders, you can assume that he runs his family like a drill sergeant. Don’t make him an elder! (Read the full sermon)

Barclay says that authades literally means "pleasing himself" and "The man who is authades has been described as the man who is so pleased with himself that nothing else pleases him and he cares to please nobody… The Greek ethical writers had much to say about this fault of authadeia. Aristotle set on the one extreme the man who pleases everybody (areskos), and on the other extreme the man who pleases nobody (authades), and between them the man who had in his life a proper dignity (semnos). He said of the authades that he was the man who would not converse or associate with any man. Eudemus said that the authades was the man who “regulates his life with no respect to others, but who is contemptuous.” Euripides said of him that he was “harsh to his fellow citizens through want of culture.” Philodemus said that his character was compounded in equal parts of conceit, arrogance and contemptuousness. His conceit made him think too highly of himself; his contemptuousness made him think too meanly of others; and his arrogance made him act on his estimate of himself and others. Clearly the man who is authades is an unpleasant character. He is intolerant, condemning everything that he cannot understand and thinking that there is no way of doing anything except his. Such a quality, as Lock said, “is fatal to the rule of free men.” No man of contemptuous and arrogant intolerance is fit to be an office-bearer of the Church. (Daily Study Bible Series) - PA

Not quick tempered - An elder must be the one who exemplifies the fruits of the Spirit, and it is not that a man will never get angry, but he must have self control. It would be a rare instance for him to lose it, and he must be the first to repent in such a case. Our culture has an idol of this in people who are glorified for their fits of rage and violence that streams from their uncontrolled seething. It is another thing that has to be met and battled with in the heart, where the thoughts form.

…16A wise man fears and turns from evil, but a fool is careless and reckless. 17A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a devious man is hated. 18The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.… Proverbs 14: 16-18

…17Better a dish of vegetables where there is love than a fattened ox with hatred. 18A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger calms dispute. 19The way of the slacker is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway.… Proverbs 15: 17-19

…8The end of a matter is better than the beginning, and a patient spirit is better than a proud one. 9Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger settles in the lap of a fool. 10Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is unwise of you to ask about this.… Ecclesiastes 7: 8-10

19My beloved brothers, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, 20for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and every expression of evil, and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save your souls.… James 1: 19-21

Not addicted to wine - I have been alive too long and around too many church people, some that are so acquainted with drink that it is their rising thought. They never seem to understand that this is a disqualifier, of both men and women. You cannot rightly disciple if you are drunk. This is a standard for both shepherds of the church and also government, as Lemuel's mom wrote to him. I have been a drunk and worked for many a drunk; they always think they are good at their job, but they always make bad decisions and their mood is up and down. When they really thirst they become useless, just waiting out the clock, sweating, or hiding a bottle at work. It destroys so many families, how can an overseer be an example when he is ruled by this?

…3Do not spend your strength on women or your vigor on those who ruin kings. 4It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to crave strong drink, 5lest they drink and forget what is decreed, depriving all the oppressed of justice.… Proverbs 31: 3-5

…7These also stagger from wine and stumble from strong drink: Priests and prophets reel from strong drink and are befuddled by wine. They stumble because of strong drink, muddled in their visions and stumbling in their judgments. 8For all their tables are covered with vomit; there is not a place without filth. 9Whom is He trying to teach? To whom is He explaining His message? To infants just weaned from milk? To babies removed from the breast?… Isaiah 28: 7-9

…17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to reckless indiscretion. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your hearts to the Lord,… Ephesians 5: 17-19

Not pugnacious - Literally to punch. I have never seen a pastor or elder that beat people into submission, but I have seen shows about the cults where this is quite common. Might does not make right. I believe in self defense, defense of the sheep, defense of women and children, but I have taught my kids that you don't fight because you know you are going to win, you fight because it is the right thing to do. We are not called to be bullies, neither by fist or by mouth. 

The Greeks widened the meaning to include not only physical violence, but also "violence" in speech so that plektes came to mean one who "browbeats" others -- isn't it true that words often strike harder than fists! It is possible to hurt a person more deeply and permanently with cruel words than with a fist. So true!

The man who abandons love and resorts to violence of action or of speech is not fit to be an overseer. The overseer is to be a man who avoids retaliation, no matter how cruelly provoked, instead seeking to settle all conflicts peacefully, reasonably, and without animosity. Paul's instruction is to be his byword so that “if possible, so far as it depends on" the overseer, he is to "be at peace with all men” (Ro 12:18-note). - PA

Not fond of dishonest gain - Follow the money. I have seen in the church a lot of people who used it as a place of business. This is the foundation of prosperity teachers and the thing that allows them to find a handle in the souls of their followers. They say everyone has a price, but an elder and deacon should not. Wasn't this Judas's issue? The deacons and elders are often those responsible for taking up the offering. I have noticed a cooperate sort of world develop in the church as well. Shepherds not looking to stay with their sheep, but to find greener pastures for themselves. Always looking for a better financial situation.

…5“Why wasn’t this perfume sold for three hundred denarii and the money given to the poor?” 6 Judas did not say this because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief. As keeper of the money bag, he used to take from what was put into it. 7“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “She has kept this perfume in preparation for the day of My burial.… John 12: 5-7

…9Those who want to be rich, however, fall into temptation and become ensnared by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. By craving it, some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows. 11But you, O man of God, flee from these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.… 1 Timothy 6: 9-11

V. 8 Hospitable - The do's. Macarthur points out that this is not a dinner party kind of guy, that always has his friends over, or else this would be more about extroverts. The extension here has an evangelical tinge to it, and also the kind of hospitality that invites in those who can do nothing for you in return, like the widow and the orphan. It's not the guy who throws the best Super Bowl parties, and definitely not the one looking for reciprocation. 

Steven Cole - The Greek word means, literally, “a lover of strangers.” Again, this is a quality that every Christian must strive for (Ro 12:13; 1Pe 4:9), but it is especially incumbent on elders. If elders are not friendly and warm towards others, the entire church will reflect that indifference and selfishness. Hospitality means taking a genuine interest in others and making them feel welcomed and at ease. It should be begin here when the church gathers. If you’re talking with someone you know and see a visitor all alone, don’t keep talking to each other. Go to the visitor and make him feel welcome!. (Read the full sermon) - PA

Loving what is good - The fellowship of believers, the beauty of nature, the sanctification of others. He is not occupied with evil, dwelling on his former lusts. He is a heavenly minded sort, knowing that eternity is an incomprehensible trade. 

7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think on these things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.… Philippians 4: 7-9

Sensible - Logical and reasonable, well balanced in his approach. He is slow to speak, profound, not petty in his thinking. 

MacArthur adds that this man "does not allow circumstances or the immorality or foolishness of the world to distract him and gain his attention and interest. He not only does not become involved in things that are outright immoral and unspiritual but also avoids things that are trivial, foolish, and unproductive. He knows his priorities and is devoted to them." (MacArthur. Titus: Moody Press)

Righteous, Holy - He is just and fair minded. He does not say one thing to the rich and another to the poor. Holy means to be set apart. This is not a look like the Pharisees had, not outward adornment, but a man inwardly ruled by the Spirit. It becomes evident in his life.

…15But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do, 16for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 17Since you call on a Father who judges each one’s work impartially, conduct yourselves in reverent fear during your stay as foreigners.… 1 Peter 1: 15-17

Self controlled - He disciplines himself, sets aside time for reading and study of God's word. He fights his laziness not only here but at work and at home as well. He is not ruled by his appetites or by feeling and emotions. This man owns his mistakes and works hard to be rid of them.

Paul uses this word (1Co 9:25+) to refer to an athlete who exercises self-control in all things so that he may win the wreath. He doesn’t do anything that would hinder him from his goal. An elder must have control over harmful desires or habits that would interfere with knowing Christ more deeply or with being an effective shepherd of God’s flock. He will be disciplined about spending time alone with God in the Word and prayer. This word is the last of the fruits of the Spirit (Ga 5:23-note), which grow in us as we walk daily by means of the Spirit (Ga 5:16-note). (You may access my message from December 31, 2006, “Learning to Control Yourself,” which deals with this single topic.)

There has been terrible damage to the church of Jesus Christ because unqualified men have been put into leadership. The pastor of the church that I grew up in was a quick-tempered man who tried to control the deacons (that church did not have elders) through intimidation. My dad served on that board and often was the object of the pastor’s anger, because he wouldn’t go along with things that were not in line with Scripture. It all came to a head when it came to light that the pastor was using church facilities for his private counseling practice. He was illegally channeling the income he received through a fund labeled “Youth Camp Fund,” to dodge the IRS. When my dad confronted him privately, he blew up. So, my dad confronted him at a church meeting. When the church would not correct the situation, we left the church. Within a few months, the pastor had left his wife and five children to run off with a counselee.

We then started attending another church. We hadn’t been there very long until it came out that the pastor was carrying on wrongful relationships with several women in the church, including the wife of one of his staff members. That staff member and his wife subsequently divorced. The pastor left the church, but the denomination, rather than removing him from ministry, moved him to a large church in another state! He later moved back to California. A few years ago, I saw in a publication from that denomination that the governor of California had named a day to honor him! Somehow I think that God’s view will be a bit different! Whenever these things happen, many people are wounded. Some, who were shaky in their faith, leave the church and sometimes leave the faith. Unbelievers mock God and the church and find justification to go on in their sins. So it is imperative that we, as a church, only put into leadership men who are spiritually mature, as seen in their home life and in their personal character. - Steve Cole

Exhort in sound doctrine and reprove those who contradict - I have unfortunately been to a lot of churches that hate doctrine, that do not know or understand it. They like impressions and overall good feeling. My dad's church was started in order to have a place where no one was offended and everyone felt comfortable, so they didn't preach much against sin. I have heard the old reformers say, that if you want to find and remove the goats, then go back preach the old doctrines of Paul, Peter, and Jesus, especially that of election. If you are an enabler and a people pleaser then this is not the job for you, and if you actually loved people then you would want to tell them the truth because whether they like you or not they will have to face God one day. 

…14To this He called you through our gospel, so that you may share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. 15Therefore, brothers, stand firm and cling to the traditions we taught you, whether by speech or by letter. 16Now may our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who by grace has loved us and given us eternal comfort and good hope,… 2 Thessalonians 2: 14-16

12For this reason, even though I suffer as I do, I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day. 13Hold on to the pattern of sound teaching you have heard from me, with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. 14Guard the treasure entrusted to you, with the help of the Holy Spirit who dwells in us.… 2 Timothy 1: 12-13

2Mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you. 3Beloved, although I made every effort to write to you about the salvation we share, I felt it necessary to write and urge you to contend earnestly for the faith entrusted once for all to the saints. 4For certain men have crept in among you unnoticed—ungodly ones who were designated long ago for condemnation. They turn the grace of our God into a license for immorality, and they deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.… Jude 1: 2-4

…10Because you have kept My command to persevere, I will also keep you from the hour of testing that is about to come upon the whole world, to test those who dwell on the earth. 11I am coming soon. Hold fast to what you have, so that no one will take your crown. 12The one who overcomes I will make a pillar in the temple of My God, and he will never again leave it. Upon him I will write the name of My God, and the name of the city of My God (the new Jerusalem that comes down out of heaven from My God), and My new name.… Revelation 3: 10-12

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#1498 Doúlos tou Christoú

 

Paul, a slave of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ, for the faith of God’s elect and the full knowledge of the truth which is according to godliness, 2 in the hope of eternal life, which the God who cannot lie promised from all eternity, 3 but at the proper time manifested His word in preaching, with which I was entrusted according to the commandment of God our Savior,

4 To Titus, my genuine child according to our common faith: Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior.

Qualifications of Elders

5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you, 6 namely, if any man is beyond reproach, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, who are not accused of dissipation, or rebellious. 7 For the overseer must be beyond reproach as God’s steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of dishonest gain, 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, righteous, holy, self-controlled, 9 holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, so that he will be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to reprove those who contradict.

10 For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, 11 who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of dishonest gain. 12 One of themselves, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.” 13 This testimony is true. For this reason reprove them severely so that they may be sound in the faith, 14 not paying attention to Jewish myths and commandments of men who turn away from the truth. 15 To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled. 16 They profess to know God, but by their works they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient and unfit for any good work. Titus 1 LSB

He does not say, "Paul, a Jew trained by the very best Jewish teacher. Paul, raised in a Greek world understanding fully Greek culture. Paul, a fiercely loyal believer in Judaism. Paul, a zealous Pharisee who knew the Law. Paul, a persecutor. Paul, the one who saw the beauty of Jesus Christ and yielded himself to Him." He doesn't say, "Paul with a brilliant mind." He doesn't say, "Paul, the man that God used to write so many books." He doesn't say, "Paul whose achievements are legendary, whose virtue is exemplary. Paul whose credentials are endless. Paul, the one who performed miracles." No. He doesn't base his authority on any of those personal matters.

When he looks at the very essence of his ministry, he sees himself in ministry not because of anything in himself or accomplished by himself, but because of sovereign choice. He is a bond-servant of God and an apostle of Jesus Christ. He is one who refers to himself in those two ways to demonstrate his commitment to God's mastery over his life. He did not see himself as a loose cannon - as somebody who could act independently, as somebody who could control his own life, could call the shots, could live any way he wanted to live, could determine the direction of his ministry. He saw himself and was fully committed to the fact that he was a man under divine call, authority, and obligation.

That becomes clear in the two titles which he uses here. First, “a bond-servant of God,” “a bond-servant of God.” By the way, that's the only time he gives himself that title, the only time in Scripture. He often refers to himself as “a bond-servant of Christ,” but this is the only time he refers to himself as “a bond-servant of God.” James does refer to himself as “a bond-servant of God.” Even more interestingly, Moses is called “a bond-servant of God” in Revelation 15:3. So Paul here is putting himself on a level with Moses as one uniquely called to serve Yahweh, the living God. He puts himself then on the level of other Old Testament leaders and New Testament leaders as the servant of the true God. - J Mac from Commitments of a Powerful Leader Part 1

V. 1 Paul, a slave of God and apostle of Jesus Christ - It makes sense to put your name at the beginning, but considering the weight of the matter, his credentials as well. I believe men to be called into God's service even in these times, but not to the role of an Apostle like Paul, and I steer clear of churches and association with men and women who try to carry this title today. I am a cessationist and have met reformers who say they aren't, so I ask them, do you believe there are apostles today, like Paul, men who receive and pen new revelation from God? They answer, "no". I ask them about tongues. They say they don't like to put God in a box with that, that he is free to use it to witness to someone in some remote tribe somewhere where they do not understand the language of the speaker. Okay, I don't believe in a God that I can carve or put into a box either, so I ask them if they believe that the tongues that are prevalent in the charismatic movement, that I used to belong to, are the same as what was being exercised in the church of Paul's day? They answer, "no, that was a legitimate language, like Pentecost, where people understood the speaker in their language, whenever it is not understood that is judgement." So, I say, you are a closet Cessationist then who does not like the term.

I believe Paul and the other apostles were the foundational pillars of the church, some who wrote books that are a part of our cannon today, but also those who preached the word and instructed according to the word. I believe the call today is to preachers, teachers, deacons, elders, secretaries, music ministers, Sunday School teachers, etc., according to and in complete submission to God's word. In other words, I don't think we are to be called today by the sheer force of someone's ability to speak, to play guitar, sing, I don't believe in the signs and wonders ministries, the people who say, "God told me". If you are called it has to be as a slave of Christ, the One Who purchased you from your slavery to sin. It has to be in conformity to what the Apostles wrote about these positions. As an elder your qualification is not because you have said you have been called, or because you have the feels about something, if we look at the passage above, the ability, the gift or talent of the individual, was preceded by his character. It is a call to integrity, a frightening thing.

When I was young I was well taught by my mother, she probably had every John Macarthur commentary ever written, and many cassette tapes as well, so I had no issue when asked to teach a group of high school and college students when I was 17. Sadly, no one tested me, no one evaluated my life or cared to sit with me and go over the lessons before I taught, and I was actually rebellious towards my mom. Since we were doing Corinthians I had to make sure to point out everywhere that I thought John Macarthur was being a legalist, because I didn't want to cut my hair, I was inclined towards sport or recreational dating, getting into fights and not long after this I would actually flirt heavily with being an atheist. Even when I found it too difficult to swallow atheism, that everything could look so designed without a designer, like books write themselves just given enough time, that matter comes into being for no reason, even then I just went looking for the feels in religion, an experience. We went from concert to concert, youth group meeting here, pizza party, taco outreaches, working each other into a frenzy like at a mosh pit but not as fun I found out. It started with my Sunday school teachers at First Baptist NSB, and they started taking me to a church in Titusville, then meeting with "prophets and prophetesses", people who tried to tell me who I was going to marry, what my gifts were, my calling, all sorts of foolishness. I left home to hang out with these kids when I was almost 18.

The next time I taught was at a place called Jump Ministries, run by a guy named Duron. I met him at an ecumenical retreat called Via de Christo, where surprisingly, my psychology professor was one of the speakers, even though I knew him to be a marital counselor who was cheating on his own wife, with students etc., but apparently he saw himself as qualified to teach. Anyhow, I was at a Jump revival meeting and a man was there teaching, and he had the title of "prophet", and I met some who also carried the title "apostles", and this man started teaching something I hadn't heard before. He said that God showed him one day that he was married to the wrong woman, and then quite remarkably God also showed him the woman he was supposed to be married to. This is to a room of about 200 people, including high school kids, even some younger, and my friend who was going through a rough time in his own marriage. He even went so far as to show how a big part of the reason was because the sex wasn't there or as good anymore.

As apostate as I was I still felt the need to confront him, so I did, and he couldn't back anything up with Scripture, but kept referring to his calling, and that he couldn't help what God was showing him to do. I confronted Duron, who was supposed to be the shepherd there, but all he could say was, did you hear what he prophesied about me, that I am going to be on tv and he told me that I shouldn't speak against the cloth. This was his dream, so none of the other stuff mattered. He had asked me to consider teaching before, but I said no, yet for some dumb reason I thought I was now ready, so I taught the next week on 1 Corinthians 13 and also about God's view of what that "prophet" had said. I then went home to my girlfriend who I was living and sleeping with outside of marriage. Duron got to go on cable tv, I think he may still be. I write about this because Danny asked if I had taught before, and I told him I did but it was wrong.

1 If a prophet or dreamer of dreams arises among you and proclaims a sign or wonder to you, 2and if the sign or wonder he has spoken to you comes about, but he says, “Let us follow other gods (which you have not known) and let us worship them,” 3you must not listen to the words of that prophet or dreamer. For the LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love Him with all your heart and with all your soul.… Deuteronomy 13: 1-3

More on this from Jeremiah

Things started to spiral from there, and by the next time someone asked me to teach I was at a church solely because of a girl again, I was a drunkard and a drug addict. I told that poor old Baptist preacher in the mountains of NC, I can't, and I told him why, that I had read Titus, and I am not qualified. He started crying and said, you realize how many of my deacons and elders here that wouldn't bother in the least? So I left, and I kept contemplating the solace of atheism again and again, that nothing would matter, no right, no wrong, even though everyone lives as though there is. If it were true, I thought, my life would just come to an end, and if there is no sort of afterlife, no being, then there was nothing to regret, all that would cease when life ended, and I could choose to end it early as well and there would be no regretting that either.

I became more reckless, mad at God if He did exist, mad because I was an epileptic, mad because churches were full of hypocrites, but I couldn't see that I was the worst. My ideals were becoming more and more based upon getting caught or not getting caught, rather than right or wrong. I still couldn't shake the idea of God though, and during this time in the mountains I overdosed three times. I saw myself in the mirror one night, and I finally realized why the people at work called me Skeletor. I was 160 pounds and I could count my bones and my eyes were dead. I went to a doctor and he asked me if I was from the rehab center, and I said, "no", but with attitude, so he left and then came back in and apologized for assuming that. He left again, and when he came back in I asked him if patient confidentiality was a real thing because I was desperate. He said, yes, and gave me a prescription for Tegratol because it is known to help seizures but also people who are going through withdrawals when they stop shooting up. Other than that I went cold turkey and my mom found out that I was cleaning up as far as drugs go so she sold her house on Live Oak Street and moved up to Mt. City GA where I lived and brought me into her house with some stipulations. 

Twenty six years old and I had to go back and live with my mommy. It sounds like the prodigal son, but it wasn't, he was humble, I was not. I kept drinking and I told her she could pray for me, but I didn't want to hear anything about John Macarthur. We got into an argument because even though I was paying rent she would not let girls spend the night in my room. She was a good mom, and she definitely deserves better sons. During that time I was able to avoid most of my old drug buddies and went back to fishing and learned how to hunt. I would wander the mountains and rivers religiously, and while I was there I stayed out of most trouble, but eventually got into it with some people at my work, and decided it was time to go back to Florida. My mom's rules didn't match my life style. 

…10Like an archer who wounds at random is he who hires a fool or passerby. 11As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. 12Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.… Proverbs 26: 10-12

In Florida I lived with my brother and his wife. We worked on the road a lot and I lived by the adage, "what happens on the road stays on the road", and I continued to live an immoral life. On the weekends I would come over to the coast to fish when I wasn't too hungover, and then started hanging out with some of my old friends in NSB. My godmother, Gerry, lived in Edgewater and she still would send me books. I didn't tell her till years later that I burned the "Gospel According to Jesus" that she sent me. I was drinking heavily though and started coughing up blood. Gerry sent me to her doctor friend who told me that I needed to quit drinking for 3 months and then she would recheck me to see if the bleeding ulcers were better. I laughed, but her face didn't change, and I asked, "what will I do for those three months?" I didn't quit right away, but not long after God worked that out of me as well. I know atheists who have quit heroine and meth, gone sober regarding alcohol, because it's logically a bad investment, but I can only see the hand of God now.

While hanging out with my friends I ran into Meagan and I knew of her from a long time ago when she dated one of my buddies. Something happened between me and my friends that made it more and more difficult to hang out with them, and so God was pulling me out of that as well. This time period was very fast, all these things were in a very short period of time. I went to Merk's bar one night and Meagan was there with a friend. She followed me and Gerry outside and we started talking. She was wanting to move out from where she lived and I was too, so we continued talking and I had a huge crush on her so we ended up becoming romantically involved.

About this same time, Gerry, asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I told her I wanted to finish getting my arm sleeved, but she offered another suggestion. She asked if I would go with her and her mom to this thing called Ligoniers. Her description of it didn't sound that great, some old guys talking about the Bible, and so I asked who would be there, and she went down the list, never heard of him, never heard of him, John Macarthur. As soon as she said his name, I said, "No, I'm good. I don't want to spend a weekend hearing a bunch of arrogant old men tell me how bad I am." Somehow I ended up at Ligoniers and willingly. I remember sitting, listening to one of the lectures, with every intent of getting up to go smoke a cigarette and it was driving me crazy, but R.C. was amazing, I was afraid to go smoke because I thought I would miss something, and so I just hung in there and then ran out during the break. On the way in I stopped in the bathroom, put my Bible to the side and went to the urinal. Another man had come in with me and went to the urinal beside me. He said, "I would hate to get into a theological argument with a man whose Bible looks like yours." I'm not a pee talker but I answered him, and said, "maybe I just don't take care of it," and then walked out. A little later that man gave a lecture, his name was Erwin Lutzer, and he spoke with a very deep reverence for God's word. 

The first time Macarthur spoke there I prayed that he would fall down the stairs or that God would embarrass him by causing him to speak in tongues. At this point in my life I thought that I could speak in tongues, so it was a little irritating to hear him judge my experience. I got a copy of his book Charismatic Chaos so I could read it, red mark and refute all his errors and about three quarters of the way through I realized I was an idiot. I have never loved someone so much in my life for being the consistent person that they are and staying with God's truth. He wasn't the arrogant person at Ligoniers, like he said, he was just a waiter, I was the arrogant one. It was a lot to take in, between him, RC, Lutzer, and Spurgeon, I went from being a "carnal, Arminian, charismatic Christian" to a Calvinist. My theology was turned upside down. Meagan and I married after two weeks of dating and she believed in Christ, going straight from New Age hippy to Reformer.

I want to be as transparent as possible in all this, I still struggled with pride, we moved over to Panasoffkee, only went to church here and there, but were not a part of the body of Christ. I enjoyed debating with Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Seventh Day Adventist, and then took a job at UO. There it was like a play ground and I was super focused on doctrine and was the only Calvinist. My coworkers were Pentecostal, Fundamental Free Will Baptist, Adventists, Roman Catholics and Atheists. So, I entered the cage and I loved it...but I wasn't glorifying God. I was debating for the sake of ego, not for the love of truth and to help these other people. Everyone was looking for a mic drop, no one was trying to reprove with intent of restoring. It wasn't till much later in my Bible studies that I came to pray, let my honor be that Christ is glorified. 

…3If I give all I possess to the poor and exult in the surrender of my body, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no account of wrongs.…

…6Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be restrained; where there is knowledge, it will be dismissed.… 1 Corinthians 13: 3-8

…19For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.” 20Where is the wise man? Where is the scribe? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know Him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.…

…22Jews demand signs and Greeks search for wisdom, 23but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.… 1 Corinthians 1: 19-24

During these years I did not teach my wife and kids. I still cussed and joked with the guys at work, and I thought it was enough to be sound in one's doctrine. I saw myself whole when I was really immature. If the guys were showing dirty pics on their phone or talking about things that God would call unclean, I laughed and went along. I had a good work ethic, I knew Scripture, but if my doctrine was so sound as I thought, then how was it so incomplete? Why wasn't I changing and becoming mature. At this point I had one of the worst bosses I had ever had up to that point and then started having huge challenges at work. God took care of that problem but then I went through medical issues with my sinuses and had to sleep in a chair for a month, getting very little rest. Meagan went through a bout of bad depression and we ended up leaving our home and moving to Clermont.

I took a job as a Supervisor and became solely focused on fixing every problem in the area I agreed to go to, an area they told me had a lot of problems. I didn't see my kids much and I felt pretty alone there and at work. I went through another problem with a tumor in my jaw and then Meagan gave us a scare with a twisted ovary. It's weird, because I was mad at her prior to that and just wished she would leave me so I could be alone and go live in the woods. I was spiraling but then heard something by Voddie Baucham, and I realized I hadn't been studying anymore, I was a whiner, a baby, and in no way a good husband or father. I was completely blowing off my duty. I assented to that mentally, but still thought my life was unfair because it was unfulfilling. I bought a canoe and had no where to put it, so it stayed in our living room, but that got me out on the water.

We were now in Altamonte, and I started fishing 4 or 5 times a week. If I were to write a book someone once told me that it should simply be called, "I would rather be fishing." I thought about what Voddie said and I remembered Sproul. My kids were coming home with all sorts of silly teaching from school, so I thought I would check a box and take them to R.C. Sproul's church so they could hear a Calvinists who was passionate about the word of God. I got there and he was on oxygen and the guy who spoke was Burk Parson. Oh well, I thought, we're here so might as well give a listen, and the guy went on and on about how he loved to fish but how it was so wrong to call that church. I referred to the lake as my church, to the creek, to the intercoastal. It was my religion. 

I was bored at work so I took a project and we moved closer to work for the project and I bought a kayak. My health started taking a downward turn, and again, say what you want, but I refuse to see it as anything other than the hand of God. I was tired but I fought with contractors, other departments, everyone, just trying to do what they asked, look out for my employer's interests, and I lost. I was pulling over 100 hours a week, having trouble with my balance, and things kept going down hill. I was tired of hearing my opinion didn't matter, my ego couldn't handle much more. I like logic and reason, getting what we agreed on, not politics and playing the game. I had started reading scripture again, but I refused the conviction that came with it.

In 2018 I had a seizure at work. I thought no big deal, usually these are like a reset for me but something was wrong. For the last year I was having trouble just standing up. If someone stopped me in the hall and said hello, it felt like they were attacking me, I didn't want to be around people. If I had to stand there for more than a second then I had to put my hand on the wall for balance. My brother called and thought a fishing trip to Miami would help, and I went, it was fun just to get away and he drove because of my problems. I was reading again and doing some writing, but my shoulder kept giving me problems, and then the next month I had another seizure. This time the paramedic was a little too gung ho and kept forcing me down as I was trying to get on my side because I couldn't breathe. That shoulder was totally jacked afterwards but they couldn't find anything major on xray. I was so depressed and at this point I couldn't take my kayak out anymore, it wasn't safe, so I put it up for sale. My work told me not to come back till I was sure I wasn't going to have another seizure. I thought about it, about going on disability, but I called them back and said, you can't make me not come to work, and no doctor can say for sure that I am not going to have another seizure, but I will do the mature thing, go to a neurologist, take meds and keep you updated. 

I found a woman who was one of the last doctors who actually spent time with her patients. We talked for hours, about everything, where she was from in India, about my symptoms, politics, she was great, a true trouble shooter. One visit I told her something that changed everything, that I had auras, or precursors before the seizure, but that I got the aura everyday, kind of a kaleidoscope of colors. "It feels like I'm going to have a seizure everyday." That's when she diagnosed me with migraines besides the epilepsy. She was retiring so she started me on a med for epilepsy that has proven effective, I have been seizure free since 2018, before I usually didn't make it more than a year or two. She gave me meds for the migraines and associated anxiety, but the first type didn't seem to work. 

My old boss stopped by one day and saw me out of it, weak, and in pain, and said, I feel like we did this to you, and I was under a lot of conviction at the time, had started family Bible reading and I knew that wasn't it, I told, him, "no, it's my pride." He was a godly man, and before he had left to another job, before God had brought me to this he asked if there was one last thing he could do for me, and I said, "yeah, put me in an octagon cage in the parking lot and let me have them two at a time." He shook his head, and asked me, "is that what our Lord would have you say? You need to forgive your enemies." I always wondered how he could be so kind and courteous to some people, how he could go to meetings with men who were all show, game players, who talked much about integrity but owned none of it for themselves. He was right, I should expect that of the world, but where was my integrity as a Christian and a leader? I didn't practice what my Lord preached, I was a hearer and not a doer.

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5: 43-48

Bible time at the house went over like a hostile take over. My wife loathed me, Lily was compliant by nature, maybe because of some curiosity too, but Drew and Meagan were the bane of my existence. I told God it was too hard, but then I remembered that He wasn't the one who had waited this long, who didn't care enough about his children to teach them the gospel, explain the condition of the world and why we were in such a state. I started praying for them, and I kept insisting on reading the Bible. I started to address some of the things they had learned in the world and Meagan had started homeschooling them because of some of the craziness at the schools. It was difficult but then I saw my wife break. You could see the realization of her own sin, and this is someone who didn't grow up in church, someone who had been diagnosed bipolar, who only liked "fun jobs", and couldn't "work with stupid people". The thing that amazed me the most was that she started getting self control, started caring more and more about the needs of others, taking the girls to volunteer. She still had bouts with temper, but there was a huge swing when she started hating the sin like God did rather than finding excuses for it. If it dishonored God then my wife was sensitive to it. 

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.… Matthew 5: 3-5

I still felt physically terrible, and one day got a call from N.C., from someone asking if I knew a Franklin Yerke. I said, yes, that's my biological father and we had met twice, once in my twenties and once when Lily was a baby. These were people from the church they went to and they were kind of at their wits end. My stepmom, Ruth, had Parkinson's and Franklin was unable to take care of her. They asked if I would fly up there to assess their situation. Of course, I thought, God, are you trying to kill me, I can still barely stand up without bobbling, and if  I close my eyes I feel like I am going to fall over. I flew up, and at some point on the flight my migraines went away, maybe the altitude, and then I went and met with them. Right away I realized my dad should not be driving and he had already forgot and left Ruth at the grocery store twice before I got there. They went to a church that was more about compliments and social gatherings, and the people there were kind of desperate to get them off their hands so a lot of information was left out. My wife is really sweet though so I told her what I knew so far and she said, "lets take them in with us and I will take care of Ruth." 

So we looked for a bigger house to rent and I went to Orlando Epilepsy Center so they could do a week long study on me where I was hooked up to diagnostics 24/7. They tried to force me into a seizure there by taking away my meds and stress testing me with these horrible lights. I was surprised I didn't seize. They were very helpful though and were able to prove out that my brain patterns changed when off the medication and under the stress. Once they put me back on my meds my brain activity went back to normal quickly. I was given a migraine med that worked better, but still had a few migraines a week, I had given up on my shoulder, but it was relieving to have some proof that the epilepsy meds worked. It was suggested that I try medical marijuana, and so I debated that for some time because of work, but they had instructed me not to drive company vehicles anymore anyway, and since I was nineteen years old my neurologists had been recommending marijuana to me off the record. I stopped using it a year before Lily was born in order to get a job, and then I was a father so it just didn't seem worth the risk, and as a Christian I reasoned it was against one of man's laws that would hurt my testimony. After a lot of prayer and consideration I decided to get a card. Within a week I had more sleep then I had in months, and my two year bout with the shoulder, that no one could find anything wrong with, went away. I dropped down to sometimes not having a migraine for weeks, no more kaleidoscope. 

We joined Grace Community Church in St. Cloud, went up to Raleigh to get my dad and Ruth's stuff packed, and move them down, but while we were on the way up she went to the hospital. She also had congestive heart failure, and her heart was operating below 30%. She was incontinent as well, which would have been nice to know before the 11 to 12 hour drive. The doctors said she was in no way up to that too. My patience was wearing thin, but we took their stuff down to the house, their house was already sold, and they set them up for a plane ride down after she was stable. We thought that maybe it will be nice for the girls to be around Christian grandparents. Ruth liked to sing hymns and my dad had gone to Moody Bible Institute and Columbia Bible College where he met my mom. Yea, that's not how it went down. They had been invited to a real church where they lived, but did not want to join for "fear of being discovered". Parkinson's and getting closer to death had loosened my stepmom's tongue, much to my dad's dismay, they couldn't hide. We thought it may be related to her illness and maybe dementia, but they had been fighting with each other, cheating, and all sorts of other sexual sins since their 40's.

They did not like our church because it was expository and reformed like the church their friends had invited them to in N.C., and my dad did not appreciate sermons meant to convict, so they wanted to find one of their franchise, Crossroad's Churches, which was founded by a man who wanted to make everyone feel comfortable. The man who was originally pastor at the one they went to was apparently a "dynamic speaker", and "the foundation of the church's popularity". He was caught in sexual sin, but they didn't want to do anything about it because they thought it would hurt attendance because so many people liked him. So much for Christ building the church. He was unrepentant and sadly they didn't realize also doctrinally unsound even before that, but most evangelical churches only pay a nod to Scripture as God's word now. The elders finally decided to do something about it, but this man told them and everyone else that there was no one there spiritually mature enough to deal with him or rebuke him, he was above all that.

I think of young Samuel having to rebuke Eli and his sons, who disgraced the office of priest, and later having to rebuke King Saul. My dad and Ruth were more concerned about the number of empty seats that might result and where they would find such a fun, dynamic speaker again. Ruth started having concerns about her salvation after going to our church and doing Bible time at the house, so Franklin asked to be taken to a different church. He was her assurance of salvation, but he was being confronted all the time by sermons and Bible study where he wasn't able to put spin on it for her, so I started having to share the actual gospel with her several times a week. It was sad, he didn't care, and he resented her for being sick because she could no longer baby him. My wife had to carry and bathe her as her condition got worse, she fell and broke her hip which added a whole new degree of difficulty, but Meagan was a servant to someone who was truly rude to her. My kids said they would have never wanted to become Christians if my dad and Ruth were the only ones they knew. 

Ruth went into hospice the day before we went into lockdowns with Covid and we were moving into our current home, which we bought from my godmother Gerry, at the exact same time. It seemed like a long drive to work, but we prayed about it and I wanted to be close by if Gerry got to the point that she needed help as she got older. Ruth ended up dying in hospice in Winter Park after going into Coma and then passed away. After covid restrictions were over I took my dad to NC to bury her and then we came back here. We had started going to Edgewater Baptist but that church was on it's last breath, and eventually, sadly, fell apart. So, I had talked to my old pastor at Grace and he said he had had to go to a Reformed Presbyterian church for a while when he lived in a city without a Reformed Baptist Church. I loved the people there and I went in knowing that we would disagree on certain things, but not in the most essential. My godmother had been going to Spruce Creek for the last 20 years and so we joined there, but I was still curious about finding a Reformed Baptist congregation if one could be located in driving distance.

My dad was still living with us, but again did not like the church we were at, and he always used Ruth as his voice to get people to do things for him. With her being gone, he started being even more rude to my wife. I caught him twice trying to watch something on cable that was gross with my daughters right down the hall. I corrected him and made him change the channel, and asked why it didn't bother him knowing my kids could walk out at any time. He told me it didn't bother him and that he was more of a Corinthian Christian and that David did the same thing but he was a man after God's own heart. I started going over the gospel with him, but he said he already knew he was saved because he went to Moody, said a prayer, felt something at church when he was very young. My wife tried taking him to play chess, which he loves, and he got to play more than when he was in N.C., but he started asking me to find him a Filipino woman, to which I said no. He has always lived off of women, not like wives are supposed to be, but more like a strange mother relationship. He blew up at Meagan one day and I told him he could not talk to her that way or he would have to leave. He told me that my wife and kids were not safe with him there so I moved him into an assisted living place in Port Orange. 

Well, I know that's a lot, but I haven't had much time to talk to you, Danny, because of schedules and such, and I wanted to make my life open to you.  I would like to help you out, but I want you to evaluate my family, my doctrine and we need to get to know you guys as well so I included Dennis because I can see he is sensitive to the things of God and is taking his family in that direction as well. I will continue to go through Titus and Timothy and send these posts to you so you can evaluate my understanding of service in the church.

Your brother, Calvin

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